Saturday morning, it’s quiet, I’m having some coffee, reading the paper, and I think, the boys are totally entertaining themselves. In fact lately they often choose that over hanging out with me. They’re growing up a little and it’s both great and really sad, so I ponder that for a minute or two.
Then I start to daydream. I could actually get something accomplished before the soccer games begin. I start going through the list of projects in my head. I could tidy up the basement. Dig out their summer clothes. Dust? Then Younger asks me if he can have a bath with “the squishy stuff.”
We got this stuff as a gift:
And – I have to admit it – I thought it was the coolest thing ever. Totally up our alley – weird, messy, something that changes into something freaky when you add water. I couldn’t wait to get the boys in the tub and try it. So I said yes, and up we went.
It was really cool, and weird, and all those things we thought it would be. Younger loved it. Older sat in it for a few minutes, then suddenly realized it was creepy and had to get out immediately. Younger stretched out and enjoyed a nice hot squishy bath all to himself.
Now, the instructions said to simply add the magic dissolving powder and it would – well, magically dissolve.
Are you at all shocked to hear that it didn’t dissolve ONE BIT?! Well maybe the three square inches where Younger dumped it, though it said “sprinkle evenly” so I stirred it REALLY well, but maybe that just wasn’t enough. Perhaps that was our fatal mistake.
The tub was quite filled with squishy stuff that was clearly not magically dissolving and had no intention of doing so.
So I did the only thing I could think of to do. I went and got a strainer from the kitchen.
I swished it through the water and it came out completely FULL of stuff, without making a dent in what was still in the tub. It was quite heavy and I had to hold it for about a minute to drain the water out. Wasn’t sure what to do with it (pour in on newspaper? Into a plastic bag?) but once I felt the weight of it I thought the garbage can might be the best idea. Turns out, it was.
After about twenty minutes and eight strainerfuls, I asked Older to go get me another strainer. No sense doing this with one hand. I got quite a good little system going, sweep, strain, switch hands, dump, sweep, etc.
At some point during the bailing I realized that this stuff had been in the cracks of my kids’ bodies. I threw up a little in my mouth, then made a mental note to throw the strainers away as soon as I was done.
After another 40 minutes, the tub was pretty much empty. And my garbage can was full.
And that’s a big can, it’s not your average little bathroom mini-can (not in this house). I knew darn well if I tried to pick up the bag the thing would explode all over the floor, so I grabbed the can to haul it down to the trashcan outside. And I pulled a muscle in my back. Wet Squishy Baff is heavy.
And I was running late for preparing the boys’ pre-game snack.
So, in short, that’s why nothing ever gets done in my house. I suppose I jinxed myself by even thinking for a moment that something could possibly get done. And why I never have time to do anything, and why I’m always busy, and giving all my friends lame excuses for never being able to go out and have fun or get anything accomplished.
Friends, don’t be like me. Don’t be the cool fun mom who lets anything happen in her house, mess be damned. Don’t let your kids play with chemicals because you think it will be a cool educational experience. Just don’t do it.
And oh yeah. I have to run to the kitchen store to buy some new strainers.