First of all I imagined a mob of angry tea partiers arriving at my door, wresting the children away from the evil influence they were getting in my care.
Then I thought it’s only logical, because we’re not really a democracy. No one gets a vote because I make all the decisions.
Then I realized, it’s a tyranny! Because I am the all-powerful leader of this nation.
Ooo, I like the sound of that.
Anyway the reason I’m instituting socialism is because I have mostly girls. I know it sounds preposterous (Girls are angels!) but hear me out. Every day I have four or five girls, and only one toddler boy. The girls spend most of their time reporting on what the boy is doing.
And when they’re not reporting on him, they’re busy keeping a close eye on what everyone else is doing. And, they own everything.
They may be playing in a totally different room, perfectly happy doing something else, or it may be a toy they haven’t touched in weeks. But as soon as someone plays with it the shrieking begins: “Nooooo!!! Nooo! That’s Miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-nuh!!!!!” (Imagine that in a very high-pitched, very loud, two-year-old girl voice. Have I mentioned that I often wear earplugs?)
In fact, it’s gotten so bad that I said to a friend the other day, “Good Lord. Now they’re fighting over imaginary toys.”
It’s true! When they’re riding bikes in the driveway I send them to the grocery store to buy me things, and one day someone brought me a lollipop. The protest came quickly: “Noooo!!! It’s MYYYYYYYYY lollipop!”
I’ve tried explaining, we share, we take turns, I even resorted to the timer, which I haven’t used in a long time (but did seem to work well for a while), and now I’m just tired of fighting the same battle again and again.
So my newest tack is this: nobody owns anything here (well, technically as the dictator, I own everything and I am so kindly sharing it all with you that you should feel the warmth of my benevolence). Everything is to be shared by everyone.
I know it won’t work but at least it’s fun to amuse myself while they’re screaming at each other. I need to find myself a military uniform.