Why does #leggingsgate matter?

After hearing about nothing but leggings all day yesterday, my husband asked me what the big deal was. The facts commonly agreed on are that two girls were not allowed to get on a United plane because they were wearing leggings, but they were flying on a free pass so they had to meet a dress code. Dave said, “If they’re flying on a free pass, what’s the big deal about meeting the dress code?” Because, as I pointed out, Dad was allowed to wear shorts. Whether or not he was paying for his ticket (which is also what I gather), how is he allowed to go bare but the children are not? Why are the girls held to a company standard of dress (a company that recently used a woman clad in leggings in an ad) while dad can go casual?

Here’s the message those girls received: you can either put more clothes on or pay your way. It doesn’t matter what choice you make, there are restrictions on your behavior.

Daddy’s skin is acceptable, because he’s a man. You, on the other hand, can’t be comfortable in your skin. For the rest of your life, btw. You’ll be told you’re too fat, too short, too tall, too skinny. You must remove all body hair – even in the most painful places – because it is unattractive. Your breasts are too small unless you have back problems from carrying their weight. But if you breastfeed in public you have a 50/50 chance of being asked to leave. Let’s not even talk about your hips – they’ll never be right. Your skin is too dry and you’ll never look young enough, unless you’re too young to wear leggings. Or is it too old? Your fingernails are too plain, your face needs makeup before you even leave the house, your ears should be pierced, your teeth aren’t white enough – and yes, there’s even a procedure called “anal bleaching” because God knows, even that part of you that never sees the light of day – it’s not good enough either. And soon you’ll be able to get pregnant, honey, so you should hear this. If there’s a baby in your belly we own it, but once it’s out don’t you dare ask for help supporting it. In fact, your healthcare, your very right to see a well-informed doctor, will be debated and legislated endlessly by men who can head on over to CVS and pick up their Viagra for free.

Reporting of this story, not surprisingly, has missed the point. There were three girls involved, and one who happened to have a dress in her carry-on bag was allowed to board. The other two were turned away. Imagine being those girls, singled out in front of the dozens of people waiting at the gate. One of them was a ten year old girl. A child. Which led my husband to this conclusion: “So they are sexualizing the ten year old girl. In that case, it’s equally as sexist toward men, because apparently men who see ten year old girls in leggings can’t control themselves.” (Which led me to point out that a man who can’t control himself around women and openly admitted to committing sexual assault is leading the country, but that’s another story.)

If you are still shaking your head wondering what the uproar is about, here it is. Women truly aren’t free in our culture and they learn this from a very, very young age. Simply put, your body is governed by the sexual purposes, needs, or opinions of men. Not only will you receive all the messages listed above about your body, but you’ll also be told how to dress and what your intentions were when you chose that outfit. You will be harassed, with a 20% chance of that turning into assault. You will be walking alone one night and suddenly realize you’re afraid. You may choose not to take part in activities such as taking a walk in the woods alone because you won’t feel safe. You may wake up behind a dumpster after being raped but hear about how the man who did this to you has a future that is more important than yours because of his swimming career. He will serve three months but you’ll get a lifetime sentence. Our culture subverts and perverts the very existence of women’s bodies and sexuality until we have to keep ten year old children from wearing tight-fitting pants. That’s the bottom line of this story. Dad, your skin is perfectly acceptable because, well, you’re a guy. Ten year old, sweet child of a girl – your skin is not acceptable, even though it’s covered. Get used to it.


Well so much for that whole freedom and democracy thing, it was fun while it lasted

I had to take my son to the hospital this morning for a procedure. I was feeling dazed from the lack of sleep and worry brought on by the election. People were walking furtively through the parking lot, as if we didn’t know who to trust anymore. We passed a doctor of Indian descent and I thought, are they OK on the checklist in the new world order?

We approached the desk and the older gentleman smiled kindly and said, “Good morning.” I felt relieved. Ahh, life goes on, we can still be civil to each other. He was wearing the most kick-ass red velvet paisley-print smoking jacket I’d seen in – probably forever – so I commented on it. He said, “This is for the big red ONE!”

Oh God, here it comes, I thought. My first gloater. When I get stressed I feel it in my neck, and my whole spine was starting to bend into a fetal position from the pressure of this comment and how to respond. But then I thought, no. If you did this, I want to know. I want you to reveal yourself to me so I know who I’m dealing with. From now on, I need to know who I have to watch out for in order to protect myself and my children.

Hiding in the hospital room while my son had his appointment was soothing. It was dark and quiet and life was moving forward – the women taking care of him were efficient and all business. They were extra kind to a boy who had to get stuck with an IV and his chilly mother who received a warm blanket while she waited. Can I just stay hidden here for a few more days? I read a book I’d brought and the words were unexpectedly soothing.


Do we get to keep our books in the new world order?

After the appointment was over the tech told my son he’d done such a great job and gave him a coupon for a snack at the cafeteria. I thanked her again for her kindness, which was so sorely needed. We encountered more subdued people milling about in the cafe – not sure what to say to each other, sometimes briefly smiling but mostly just keeping to ourselves. There were several people with brown skin and a woman in a wheelchair. “New world order” appeared in my mind again.

When we got home CBS was broadcasting Hillary’s speech to her supporters. I opened the page to watch and this greeted me:


Why are these frat boys so happy? (Oh yeah. That.)

Social media was telling me how we all have to hurry up and get over it and move on. How our anger is ugly and we need to stop. Don’t tell me how to feel. I love my country and it has just been dealt what is possibly a fatal blow. I’m not going to just get over it and move on. We just handed our country over to a guy:

  • who openly admits to committing sexual assault
  • who disrespects servicemen and women and their families
  • who silences people who disagree with him
  • who doesn’t pay his taxes
  • who denies climate change
  • who has never worked a day in his life
  • who allows his children to kill endangered animals and gloat about it
  • who communicates via drunken texts at 3AM
  • who encourages other nations to hack us
  • who asks people to shoot his political rivals
  • who mocks people with disabilities
  • who counts known child rapists among his friends
  • who incites violence at his rallies
  • who will be going to court for fraud in a few weeks
  • who has squandered millions of dollars over and over again without repercussion
  • who doesn’t pay his workers
  • who disrespects, slanders, and sues every person he disagrees with
  • who encourages people to kick the wheelchair of a 12-year-old child who was brave enough to speak his mind
  • who, during his acceptance speech, allowed people to chant “send him back,” among other things; their war cries against all the so-called repression they’ve faced already beginning to rise.

So yeah. I’m allowed to be mad. And don’t tell me I’m calling him names (the first defense of the bully who can dish it out but can’t take it). I’m simply stating facts.


Don’t tell me to move on. I’m gonna be angry about this for a long time.

Don’t tell me you’re disenfranchised to account for your hatred.

Don’t call me elitist to excuse your racism.

Don’t tell me I don’t understand your plight. As a child care provider I literally worked harder than most people I knew for 13 years and still made less than minimum wage. I’m still paying off my first Master’s while finishing my second, which will entitle me to a job that pays as much per year as he pays for one of his golden toilets, and my own kids are off to college in three years. So don’t tell me I don’t get it.

This anger and hatred has been boiling just below the surface since mere days after Obama was elected. It’s like watching the face of the guy who knows he’s not supposed to say it because it’s not accepted anymore but holding his tongue is just killing him. You can see him literally chewing his words, trying to behave because he has to, but you both know damn well what’s on his mind. And that’s all been unleashed. Just when we were making a little progress we’ve been smacked down. You got it white guys – you got your 1950s country back. You can have your wife safely ensconced at home in your straight white neighborhood while you hoist a few whiskeys at lunch, grab your secretary’s pussy, and stop by the mistresses’ before you hop on the train for home. You can pillage, plunder, and take what’s yours without consequence because you are the only person who matters now.

So don’t tell me to be respectful, to just be quiet and take it (Ann Richards is rolling in her grave). I won’t shut up. I’m going to be as mad as I want to be for as long as I need to be. And when I’m done with that, then maybe I’ll get over it, but probably not. And then I’ll keep fighting.


14 Reasons to Vote No on 2

1. Our public schools are not failing. Massachusetts has long been known to have one of the best school systems in the country. The only scale being used to determine failing schools is standardized testing, which is designed for large groups of student to fail. And of course the businessmen and politicians who want us to believe they’re failing, but we’ll get to that later.

2. Students are not “trapped in failing schools” as the ads would tell you, when we have school choice in Massachusetts and parents can choose to put their child in any school in any town that has room for their student.

3. Waiting list numbers are vastly exaggerated. It has long been known that charters keep students that have already enrolled in other schools on their wait lists, and by the time they get around to offering a spot those families are happily settled somewhere else. The numbers are inflated by counting students more than once if they are on more than one waiting list and even students who have aged out of the school’s grade level. In the meantime those students “languishing” on waiting lists are not sitting at home crying – they are being educated. In the public schools. Which accept all students.

4. It is fiscally irresponsible. Nowhere in the world does this business model succeed. Try applying it to your local hospital. How would it go over if they said we’re going to take only the chosen patients and bring them to a different hospital, where they’ll get better care than you, but by the way we’re going to take your money to pay their bill. Or in the words of municipal treasurer Nancy Grossman, “The dirty little secret they aren’t sharing is that opening more charter schools without significantly increasing funding — even beyond the $1-plus billion per year current deficit, which would only catch up funding for existing schools — will necessarily mean that many community schools will have to close or survive as thin shadows of their former selves.”

5. Question 2 has the potential to seriously damage city budgets for years to come. Just this week Moodys Investors Service told city officials that more charter schools will hurt the credit ratings of the towns in which they are built. While covering this story The Boston Globe, which has been inexplicably pro-charter in its coverage, claimed that there is no financial hit on districts when students leave for charter schools. This link will tell you exactly how much your district loses when students leave for charter schools.

6. No oversight and flat-out lying. Charter schools have no oversight and do not have to report student (or any other) information in the same way public schools do. They don’t have to hire licensed teachers. Nor do they have to disclose where the money they receive from the state is being spent. They don’t have to pay their teachers and they don’t have to account for where the money goes – to their own offshore accounts. As a teacher of students with special needs I have seen firsthand the disastrous consequences that come from the lies and empty promises put forth by unregulated charter schools.

7. Dark money is funding the Yes on 2 campaign. $18 million has been spent on pro-question 2 propaganda – more than on any other ballot question in MA history. Do you really think the investors care about children? If they did why wouldn’t they just give that money to our existing schools? This has nothing to do with what students really need. Wall Street investors could give a rat’s ass about your child’s education. They stole your grandmother’s pension, they stole your uncle’s mortgage, and now they’re stealing your tax money that is intended to teach your children.

8. Charter school teachers aren’t as qualified – or happy – as you think they are. Because the people behind charter schools are looking to make a quick buck, they hire young, inexperienced teachers and some who aren’t even fully licensed (because they have no oversight, remember?). Read this mom’s story about not only her own awful treatment as a teacher at a charter, but her son being branded as a failure in kindergarten. Ask a charter school teacher how they feel about having no pension, no benefits, and no protection, or having to work extra hours without overtime pay. Or how they feel about being sued for damages when they go to work at another school. Or read this teacher’s story, which gives another peek at what it’s like working as a teacher in the “toxic” environment at a charter school.

9. Who is paying Charlie Baker? Why is our governor leading the charge against his own schools? Has a governor ever actually put themselves in a commercial for a ballot issue before? In these unprecedented ads he is admitting – no, convincing us – that the schools he presides over our failing. Is he proud of this? What is his motivation? Perhaps it’s because the head of our education department is also on the board of Pearson, and these guys love to get cozy and share the wealth. For example:

10. Pearson and other multinational corporations are desperate to keep a toehold in Massachusetts. As parents wake up and try to protect our children from these predators, they have doubled down on trying to convince us that our kids are trapped like rats all day (when in actuality it’s the charter schools that treat them like experiments in behavior). As explained in this article, “More cash has been raised for this issue than for any other ballot battle in the last ten years — more than double the dollars spent during the casino debate in 2014 — which, until this summer, had been the state’s most expensive ballot question campaign.”

11. Using public school teacher pensions to pay for charter schools. There’s not much I can say about this damning story except that it makes this whole situation look as ugly as it is, while they try to convince us it’s about “the children:”

Republican Gov. Charlie Baker, himself a former financial executive, is leading the fight to increase the number of publicly funded, privately run charter schools in Massachusetts — and he appoints trustees to the board that directs state pension investments.

The architects of this “morally bankrupt situation,” need I remind you, are using children to sway voters into pouring more money into their coffers. Which leads us to #12:

12. “The children” are being used as pawns. This is a very simple formula. Big money invests in getting a school building, convincing parents they’re the best school in the area and that their children are being victimized by their failing local public school. Enraged parents start lining up to go to this “better” school, in fact demanding it, and after the initial investment the businesses sit back and let taxpayer money roll in (for years to come, as Question 2 lifts the cap in perpetuity – that means forever folks). This is possibly the most debased business strategy we’ve seen yet. Wall Street decimated our banks, retirement plans and mortgages, so what was left? The easiest target of all.

13. The initial investment promised toward the new charters dries up after three years. I guess we’ll just have to figure out how to pay for these schools down the line – which means closing the public ones, which is truly the political motivation behind Question 2.

14. This is simply not the answer. I have been a defender of public schools since my kids started in kindergarten. They aren’t perfect. Common core and “MCAS 2.0” are unacceptable ways to teach children. But public schools are one of the few remaining free public institutions in our country. They are a microcosm of the society in which we live – a community that prepares children to live in the bigger community. There are bullies, there are teachers who we don’t get along with, and some things that happen aren’t fair. But there are also best friends, great and inspirational teachers, and life lessons. But as my husband (also a special education teacher) points out, “Experience and lasting friendships are not metrics that can be measured.” The people leading the charge for charters want to boil our children down to numbers on a financial graph, with a bit fat arrow pointing UP towards the profits they’ll be making by stealing taxpayer dollars. Public schools are a foundation of democracy, and just because the plumbing is leaking you don’t burn the house down. Vote No on 2 and preserve one last truly public institution, which is bound by law to provide a free and appropriate education for all children.

Fifteen Years Later

The infant I had then is ready for driving school, playing soccer on the big boy field, with the ones who look like men and shave. Because of his passion we went to a New England Revolution soccer game on the eve of September 11. The date hadn’t occurred to any of us yet and we soon grew wary of being told to stand for remembrances. Not because the remembrances shouldn’t be held, but because of the constant barrage of manufactured patriotism. If you’re not with us, you’re against us.  It gave me a perspective on why an NFL player might want to send his own message in one of these stadiums. There is another story, and the one being presented doesn’t represent all of us.

The next day Younger Son had another game in far away coastal RI. We saw the tributes in our hotel breakfast room but for the first time they were personal and quiet. The reporter interviewed the children of his hometown, where almost two dozen people had lost their lives. These children, married adults now with their own children, calmly told stories of what it was like to grow up without a parent. They’ve had to tell those stories all their lives, no matter what the rest of America says about what happened in 2001.

Waiting for the game to start, we found a beach to walk on. A child played with a soccer ball on a grassy field. A young man approached and asked if he could play. The child turned and bolted away – probably more from stranger danger than the man’s latte-brown skin tone. The man walked to a nearby tree where he had a blanket spread out and began his prayers. His song at the end rang quietly on the breeze and added to the beauty of the ocean scene. The American flag a few feet away hung at half staff. In my mind I encouraged my son to get his ball out of the car and play with the man. But in reality it never happened.

When we got home Older was working on his homework. He said this is why he hates homework, because he had to ask me questions about something sad – 9/11. I didn’t mind. We were spared the worst of the tragedy. I told him about my sister who managed to call and tell me she was OK before cell service went out. He asked if I thought it changed the world – of course it did. Fifteen years and hundreds of thousands of lives lost. “What do you think of the political response?”

Am I allowed to tell him I think it was a continuation of the tragedy? How do I phrase this? I told him about the unity we had squandered – how it didn’t matter who you were but on those days after you looked deeper into each other’s eyes. You made connections with strangers. You cared how people were doing and you chose your words carefully. Using phrases like “It’s so hot I’m gonna die” became too painful to say. No one knew when it was OK to laugh again. We were reverent and unified. We are the opposite now, and that is why sometimes it’s hard to stand up and pledge allegiance. The angry voices in the headlines no longer represent me or what I want for my children. There are more stories than what we’re hearing. I wanted to tell him how we have to love each other, shut our mouths and listen with open minds. But he was on to the next assignment. And the football announcer on the tv mentioned the tributes that were painted on the shoes of some players, while others still kneeled in protest.

You’ve Come a Long Way Baby


I’ve never been a huge fan of Hillary but I can’t deny how moved I am to wake up and see this in my news feed. After all my years as a woman on this earth, a radical, loud-mouthed, feminist woman, to have it dawn that this could really be a possibility is a stunning feeling. I’m surprised that I feel this way, and a little sad. This shouldn’t be a new idea to me yet it speaks volumes about my experience as an American woman.

I see the faces of the 90+ and below-10-year-old ladies watching a woman be nominated for President on tv and I am energized – those hollow words I’ve heard all my life that “you can do anything” feel a little more real. We can do this, and now more than ever we need to get it done. Maybe God knew it was going to take a woman to put things right, this year in particular.

Women are not dolls to be paraded around and shown off. We aren’t here to meet your sexual needs at the age of 12. We’re not servants, playthings, or someone to brush off on your way to more important things.

Women get the work done. We show up. We nurture. We bear witness. We calmly stream truth to the world while boyfriends are murdered in front of four-year-old daughters. We move on. We survive. We feed. We take whatever is handed to us and keep moving. We forgive. We protect. We teach. We raise sons to respect not just other women but people of all shapes and sizes. We are fearless. We run the world. It took Hillary an entire lifetime of work – and being harassed, bullied, intimidated, put down, and mocked – to make it to this point, to show all of us women from 6 to 96, that we really can make it. For that she has earned my respect and, yes – a little bit of awe.

Resources for Opting Out of Standardized Tests

Here are some links for parents who have questions regarding the Opt Out movement and MCAS/PARCC in Massachusetts.

You may be thinking, “It will hurt the school if my child doesn’t take this test.” Our children don’t work for the schools. It’s time to turn that argument around. The schools have an obligation to educate and protect children, which they are not upholding when they allow standardized testing to dictate what happens in the school day. And they are being forced to do that by testing corporations. The only way you can hit corporations where it hurts is in their pocket – which you can do by not allowing your children to be their laborers.

If you read nothing else on this page, please read the following link:

PARCC Testing Disrupts Learning

If you decide to refuse for your child, they can carry this sticker with them so the teachers know they’re not taking the tests.

The fight is not over when you opt out. Please consider joining the movement to stop common core and support the ballot initiative (which is being heavily attacked by the same people making money off public education). Information can be found here. The article in this link shows what we are up against in MA in trying to eliminate common core from our educational system.

In Massachusetts

Guide to Opting Out of MCAS/PARCC Testing

Monomoy High officials cry foul over state test ranking (DESE uses PARCC scores they promised not to and drops Monomoy schools into lower tier)

How to Opt Out of the State Tests

Opt Out! from the Bill Newman Show: the 7th grader who started a movement in her Amherst school (skip to 43:00)

Massachusetts Teachers Endorse Right to Opt Out

Ludlow Superintendent Todd Gazda’s Blog

From MCAS to PARCC and, Maybe, Beyond: A Testing Timeline

Recommendation on Student Assessment from Mitchell Chester (who is still on the Governing Board of Pearson, which makes 40% of national budget spent on testing, and who actually sat in hearings with teachers and saw them cry about what the tests are doing to their students but went forth with this proposal)

A Parents’ Guide to Opting Out of State Standardized Tests

Declaring Level 4’s: “Where everything’s made up and the points don’t matter”

UP Charter network, which will open a school in Springfield, gave out 68 suspensions to kindergartners last year

2015 Accountability Levels: everything’s made up, but the points matter

Mass charter boards lack parents, dominated by corporate interests

As Long As We’re Silent Nothing Will Change

New Bedford presses parents to accept PARCC exams

Charlie Baker: Dark Money, Charter Schools, And Teacher Unions

Commissioner’s Weekly Update, Refusals to Take an Assessment (the commissioner says children should not be punished for refusing)

Can Massachusetts Parents Opt Out?

Arguments for Refusing

What are you saying when you opt out?

The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Pearson Tests

Ted Talk: Jesse Hagopian, Giving Students a Solid Chance

Pearson ‘Education’ — Who Are These People?

Why You Can Boycott Standardized Tests Without Fear of Federal Penalties to Your School

PTA is Opting Out

Last Week Tonight with John Oliver: Standardized Testing (NSFW)

An explanation of the pineapple question (at 20:00)

Education in Crisis and the Threat of Privatization

Thousands Refuse Common Core Testing, Calls for National Opt-Out and Washington March

The Cost of Testing, and Who’s Making Money

Testing More, Teaching Less: What America’s Obsession with Student Testing Costs in Money and Lost Instructional Time

States spending the most on education

Infographic: Why Corporations Want Our Public Schools

No Profit Left Behind

Ten Common Core Promoters Laughing All the Way to the Bank

Public Schools, Public Money, and Charter Schools

The Myth Behind Public School Failure

Teach for America Enrollment Declines for 2nd Year as Part of Larger Trend

Common Core Is Meant To Destroy and Replace Public School Education

A Coordinated National Effort to Decimate Public Schools

Public School Funding in Massachusetts: Where We Are, What Has Changed, and How We Compare to Other States

Get the Facts: Charter Schools in MA

Just Nonsense

What happens when you let young, inexperienced teachers take over classrooms? Idealism is wonderful, but trying to change evolution is slightly beyond your reach, young lady.

Real Education

And finally, what students can do when they are inspired.

Good Enough

My local radio station started a new series for the holidays, “Good Enough,” about just relaxing and letting Christmas be, well, good enough. The first time I heard the announcers talking about it I smiled. Yep! That’s me! I’m hosting 15 in the midst of closing a business I’ve run for 12 years (which means emptying the house of tons of baby equipment), starting a new job (working at home so I need to set up an office), and finishing my classes (at my age I should be having a mid-life crisis, not pulling all-nighters). So yeah, they’ll be lucky if the house is clean and there’s food, and that has to be good enough this time around.

The radio host said she wasn’t really feeling the Christmas spirit, and that also resonated with me. Of course there’s the busy-ness listed above, but in recent years I’ve had a hard time summoning the joy. I think it’s something beyond feeling overwhelmed but I couldn’t put a finger on it until I did some holiday shopping. There was a mom showing her daughter the Frozen toys, while the girl’s eyes opened wide as saucers. The little boy who was literally screaming while running toward the Star Wars display. I don’t get to revel in that excitement because my kids are older now.

My teenagers don’t jump for joy in the aisles. They’d rather melt into the background. As I shopped, I longed for the days when I could just buy whatever junk off the $1 pile and have them react like it was the best thing they’d ever seen. Now I have to take a hard look and think, do they really want this, and is it worth what I’m investing, or will it end up in the pile under their bed? And will they think I’m completely out of touch because why would they even want something like this? I remember the Christmas mornings where the gift opening went on for an hour because the tree was piled with Play-Doh, Matchbox cars, and plastic dinosaurs, and every gift was a treasure. Now they’re still happy with their gifts but it’s over much faster, and are the cinnamon rolls done yet?

I’ve got one kid who stubbornly clings to the magic of Christmas, and I told him he’s carrying the spirit for our family this year. He started a tradition of bringing candy canes to his class, which I totally forgot about. He followed me grocery shopping this weekend just so he could pick out his canes. When I pointed out he only needed one box (I thought for his teachers), he said “Don’t you remember? I give them to the whole class.” OK, now on top of being the Grinch I’m a lousy mother to boot.

For this boy, I’m rallying. He gave me a list of items he needed for the teacher presents he assembles every year: pencils, dry erase markers, sticky notes, erasers, and of course chocolate. He found bags, stuffed them with tissue, and put labels on each one. He found an old soccer ball of his own and taped a candy cane to it for his gym teacher. My heart swelled (3 sizes that day?) and I felt it – the joy of the season comes in a different way, and it doesn’t just disappear because they’re older.

It doesn’t have to be about what Santa left and how high they’re going to jump when they see it. Both of my kids are so happy to have their entire family coming here, they can’t stand the wait. At first we weren’t going to host (see paragraph 1) and they were disappointed. They started talking about how awesome it was when we had the family over and my husband and I just melted. If I can’t give them joy through gifts, I can give them their family. And when I started thinking of it that way I remembered it’s not the presents, food, and hubbub they remember about Christmas. What they want is their loved ones nearby. That’s enough for me.