I know that’s your nice toy but it’s covered in poo now.

It’s peanut butter, not finger paint.

We can’t do our dancing with guns all over the floor.

I think I lost your undies.

Don’t put your tongue on that.

You all have to get your pants on before I can give you lunch!

Will you come play with us and not stay in the corner and eat things and plants that are not food?!

Babies don’t taste like we do.

Are you eating pine needles?

Did you come here to get your bum-bum changed?

If we don’t put our feet on the garage, we won’t fall down. – Karen

Nobody’s tushy’s bigger than mine!!

I need a cookie to charge my body life up. – Younger Son

AAAAAGH!!! I just got hit by a blow dart!!!!

Ooo, the octopus is taking a ride in the car!

You want me to trace your body?

Are you putting your wet butts in the sand?

Is it your coat arm that’s inside out, or your real arm? Because if it’s your real arm we’ve got a problem.

Oh good, aren’t you so happy that Mama fixed the gun?

Now where did I put the bullets?

Keep your hands out of your pants.

Don’t put your feet on the cheese!

If he won’t stop crying just stick him in his crib.

Mommy, the baby’s chewing on a hammer.

Amy, I like it when you’re out of temper with other kids. – Mr. O

No playing in the toilet!!!

Stop flashing the kids. (Let me be clear, that was something I said to my son, not a grownup.)

Are you eating dirt?

Miss A, don’t tackle the baby. – Mr. O

Keep your hands out of the poop.

When you’re a hobo, you just have your baby at home. – Mr. O

Are you guys licking the baby?

No sitting on the table.

What happened to your pants?

No naked butts on the couch!

Younger Son, it’s time to stop being a chicken.

No naked people allowed in the car!

Remember to push your penis down in the toilet so the pee doesn’t go all over.

Younger Son, when Older Son is in mid-air you can’t kick him or you’ll knock him down.

I love you too.

The candle got the poop away.

Put your pants on so we can all have lunch!

Do you want powder on your bum-bum?

Why are you torturing a baby?

Stop beating your sister!

Don’t put your head through the screen! (and…)

I’m sewing the screen because someone put their head through it.

Pull up your pants.

I think I put your skirt on backwards.

Everybody find your shoes!

…and then he fell off the mattress and bumped his head.

Whoa! I just flung a teacup across the room!

Honey, I want you to think about this. Is it worth it to get this upset about a waffle?

His pants fell off!

She doesn’t want you to attack her with a towel.

I was getting four naked butts in the house.

And to Miss C, on July 6, 2010, I said the following: “Miss C, we don’t sit on the baby!!!” (Do you get it? This is all based in reality!)

Day-old crusty peanut butter on the counter doesn’t have germs, does it?

You almost stepped on my banana!!!

Did you see her undies? Did they have polka dots?