Category Archives: Motherhood

My life raising two wild and wonderful boys

Lest You Think a Mother’s Life is Not Busy…

Posted on by Amy Pybus
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Younger Son had a field trip last week and I chaperoned. This was my to-do list:

  • Make sure my sub (Famous Carol) can come for day care
  • Alert parents that Famous Carol is coming and they need to pick up at 4:00
  • Send in check for Younger’s cost to school
  • Make sure permission slip was signed and returned
  • Send in $2 for his “I belong with this class” bright blue t-shirt
  • Find out that chaperones need to pay and send another check
  • Send another $2 for MY bright blue (“I belong with this class and am not a kidnapper”) t-shirt
  • Ask Michelle to pick up Older after school
  • Make sure Older knows he’s going with Michelle
  • Write dismissal email to Older’s homeroom teacher
  • Note for Older to remember to go home with Michelle and not on bus
  • Have talk with Older to figure out what will happen if he does go home on bus
  • Write down Michelle’s phone number for Older in case he goes home on bus
  • Reassure Older that he will remember to go home with Michelle and not to worry
  • Email Famous Carol to be sure she’s coming and tell her what’s going on with the kids this week
  • Send parents reminder email and write early closing time on whiteboard
  • Write “Bag lunch” on the menu for that day so Dad won’t make normal lunch
  • Take a picture of the TV remote and upload it to computer, print it out and write instructions for Famous Carol
  • Find my small travel backpack (throw out first one I found because it’s disintegrating)
  • Charge two iPods since they’re allowed to bring them for entertainment
  • Gather Younger’s book, headphones, charged iPods, and journal to go in his backpack
  • Find a better journal because the first one is too small
  • Pack my own bag with sunblock, magazine, snack for four kids, bandaids, tissues, itinerary, etc.
  • Go over the checklist sent from the school to make sure I didn’t forget anything (but I’m plagued with the feeling that I did)

Now for the morning of the trip:

  • Pack the bag lunches and Younger’s snack
  • Change whiteboard message for parents to pickup early today
  • Set up the cribs
  • Get pile of VCR tapes
  • Leave check and instructions for Famous Carol
  • Leave the tv set to VCR
  • Vaccuum under the snack table because I forgot to last night
  • Greet kids arriving at normal time
  • Review TV use with Carol
  • Make sure Younger’s ready (which he is, because he’s awesome)
  • Go on field trip!!!

Older’s field trip is next week.

 

Let’s Hear it for the Boy

Posted on by Amy Pybus
8

I don’t usually write about Younger Son and I rarely trumpet my kids’ accomplishments online. For one, because they don’t want me to talk about it. And two, because I find it a wee bit unseemly to brag about my kids.

But last night my son did something so amazing I just have to say it. My quiet boy, the one who holds it in and buries it until it explodes (like his mother), who has struggled to find his place, stood alone in front of ten people and took his yellow belt test. In Korean. With a man he doesn’t usually train with, so the pronunciations were different, and he was asked to do several things over.

We’ve never done this before and had no idea what to expect. His father and I sat anxiously on the sideline, watching closely for signs of a breakdown. And what would we do if he had? Would it be worse to sit back and let it happen, or rush in and hug him? The whole point of the class was to give him more confidence.

The way he faced this challenge was inspiring. He’d been nervous all day and I kept telling him his teacher would not have arranged the test if he didn’t have faith that Younger could pass. We used all the tricks we’ve learned to keep calm – deep breaths, repeating the words “I can do this. I know what I’m doing,” over in his mind when he got upset. As his instructor told us, it will just be doing everything you already know and do in class.

I looked at my little one, so tiny in the middle of the big room, and was scared for him. It was silent except for the tester’s commands, and all eyes were on him. He went through his moves with strength and determination. Occasionally he made a slight bobble but always recovered.

When it was time to get his new belt his teacher asked for a family member to come and take his old one. Older Son jumped up and ran to his brother. Younger got his new belt, a certificate, bows and praise and claps, and it was over.

When we got home, Dave told him there was no way he could’ve done what Younger did when he was that age. I just hugged and hugged him. He wrapped an arm around my neck and held me tight, tighter than he has in a long time. It surprised me, and I think he really needed to hold onto something until all the energy of the experience had left his body. I held tight back, for as long as he would let me.

Just when we are most worried about our children they can really surprise us. I am prouder of my son than I have ever been for any of his accomplishments. He had more in him than I ever knew. And today I am overwhelmingly grateful for that.

Mother’s Day 2012

Posted on by Amy Pybus
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Every year for a while now I’ve been writing a letter to all my mom friends on mother’s day. This year, thanks to the power of the internet, I get to share it with many more moms.

It was a pretty mellow morning this year. Some nice cards from the boys (Younger’s haiku made me cry) and a lovely huge daisy plant to put on the front steps. For the first time being “a mom” on mother’s day felt a little less meaningful. Not in a bad way, but I think it’s just a natural part of the kids growing up.

As the intensity of caring for them eases up, so does everything else. It all seems nice and smooth lately, and that vibe just continued through the lazy morning. I snuggled with them on the couch and watched MythBusters. Which is pretty much my favorite thing in the whole wide world, so I have NO complaints.

I got to hug my mother-in-law and tell her how much I love her. I talked to my own mom on the phone, who called at the moment I was getting out of the car on the side of the highway, and gave me sympathy for the carsickness I’ve had since I was her little girl. I spent some time with two mom friends and got a bunch of texts from others. As I said, not as exciting as past Mother’s days, but one of the nicest days I’ve had in a while.

We spent the afternoon watching my sister-in-law (also a mom) in Into the Woods, probably one of the most poignant musicals out there for a parent. I remember listening to it quite a bit when I was pregnant with my first, the songs outlining so many life lessons.

I also remember thinking, how am I going to cover all of this with my kid? I dunno, maybe just give him a copy of Into the Woods.

One of the biggest laughs I had yesterday was when Rapunzel confronted her mother, the Witch, telling her, “You locked me in a tower, you blinded my prince, you banished me to the desert…because of you I’ll never be happy!!” (Runs away crying.)

And the witch screamed after her, “I WAS ONLY TRYING TO BE A GOOD MOTHER!!!”

I laughed because all the moms on the sidelines of the game last week had this exact same conversation. It really doesn’t matter what you do as a mom – work, don’t work, spoil them, be strict, do everything the best way you think you possibly can, but you can’t change the fact that everything will always be your fault.

So what it means to be a mother is changing for me as my boys grow up, and just like everything else about being a mom, I have to adjust to that. Still compensating, still shifting, still being as patient as I can while worrying all the time that I’m screwing them up. Ah, motherhood. I hope that all the moms had a fabulous day and got some of the love you deserve.

So How’d You Spend Your Saturday Morning, Part 2

Posted on by Amy Pybus
2

I am sitting in my kitchen with the doors closed, music on, trying to drown out the screaming of my Older Son.

*Possibly the best line I’ve ever written on my blog.*

He’s losing his mind over Mario Super Sluggers and screaming so loud that even Younger Son said, “He needs to take a break.”

He did the same thing last night and we eventually left him to go upstairs and read Harry Potter (yes, thank you Lord, my son is finally reading the books after owning them for three years, because the endless unanswered questions left by the movies drove him to it).

Anyway it’s such a wonderful way to spend a Saturday morning. I had to give Older credit because he was up an hour before me and didn’t make a peep so that I could sleep in. Holding that in must have been hard but he did it for his dear old Mum. And for that I have to hold in my urge to tell him to “KNOCK IT OFF!!!!”

I thought we were finally past this phase. He used to do the exact same thing when he was younger, venting his frustration at seemingly impossible video games. Then he finally grew out of it and it was like a cloud lifted.

But now he’s back to it and I think I’ve figured out why: hormones. He’s getting flashes of pre-teen angst, snide comments here and there, running up to his room and hiding. ANYTHING my husband says to him is taken as a personal attack.

Dad: You made a great save.
Older: I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!!!!!

I knew all of this was coming and I’m not surprised or upset. I’m really quite sympathetic (well he’s my kid, of course I’m on his side). I think part of why I work well with children is because I remember quite vividly what it feels like to grow up. Not the exact details or events, but the VERY BIG FEELINGS that made everything seem like your life was about to end dramatically.

I look at the challenges he’s facing and they’re pretty big for an 11-year-old boy. His team gets crushed every Saturday and Sunday. He’s dealing with a whole new set of fears that have just appeared after a long time of feeling overly confident about the world and his capabilities to handle it. He has a huge burden of homework, some of which he doesn’t understand and no one can seem to explain to him. He wants to feel capable and strong, not confused and emasculated.

Of course none of this compares to my Polish neighbor, who was in a German POW camp at age 11, so we do try to keep it in perspective.

But still, the pain of the screaming. I have a hard time relating to Older’s outbursts because well, first of all the sound makes me want to do horrible things to him. But it’s also not how I handle anger. I hold it all in until I lose it and have to go in the basement and punch the heck out of Nubs. Older vocalizes his pain.

But then I remember, I learned this technique when I was in labor and it really worked. Someone (probably my pregnancy yoga teacher) told me it’s the worst pain of your life, you’re allowed to yell. But do it in a growling way to release it instead of shrieking like a banshee. And it actually did work.

Nowadays if I stub my toe (or slice my hand with a knife, which I did last week while cutting the cantaloupe and yelling at a day care kid to stop hitting someone), the rumble comes up from my gut and actually eases the pain, or at least takes my mind off it.

So I have to accept for a while that this is Older’s outlet. I know it will pass because it has before (and then God knows what he’ll use to soothe the pain).

It seems that my banshee finally won the level so he’s calm for the moment. But I know he’ll be back.

So How’d You Spend YOUR Saturday Morning?

Posted on by Amy Pybus
2

Saturday morning, it’s quiet, I’m having some coffee, reading the paper, and I think, the boys are totally entertaining themselves. In fact lately they often choose that over hanging out with me. They’re growing up a little and it’s both great and really sad, so I ponder that for a minute or two.

Then I start to daydream. I could actually get something accomplished before the soccer games begin. I start going through the list of projects in my head. I could tidy up the basement. Dig out their summer clothes. Dust? Then Younger asks me if he can have a bath with “the squishy stuff.”

We got this stuff as a gift:

Don't try this at home

Damn you Squishy Baff people! You are liars! Liars all!!!

And – I have to admit it – I thought it was the coolest thing ever. Totally up our alley – weird, messy, something that changes into something freaky when you add water. I couldn’t wait to get the boys in the tub and try it. So I said yes, and up we went.

It was really cool, and weird, and all those things we thought it would be. Younger loved it. Older sat in it for a few minutes, then suddenly realized it was creepy and had to get out immediately. Younger stretched out and enjoyed a nice hot squishy bath all to himself.

Now, the instructions said to simply add the magic dissolving powder and it would – well, magically dissolve.

Are you at all shocked to hear that it didn’t dissolve ONE BIT?! Well maybe the three square inches where Younger dumped it, though it said “sprinkle evenly” so I stirred it REALLY well, but maybe that just wasn’t enough. Perhaps that was our fatal mistake.

The tub was quite filled with squishy stuff that was clearly not magically dissolving and had no intention of doing so.

So I did the only thing I could think of to do. I went and got a strainer from the kitchen.

I swished it through the water and it came out completely FULL of stuff, without making a dent in what was still in the tub. It was quite heavy and I had to hold it for about a minute to drain the water out. Wasn’t sure what to do with it (pour in on newspaper? Into a plastic bag?) but once I felt the weight of it I thought the garbage can might be the best idea. Turns out, it was.

After about twenty minutes and eight strainerfuls, I asked Older to go get me another strainer. No sense doing this with one hand. I got quite a good little system going, sweep, strain, switch hands, dump, sweep, etc.

At some point during the bailing I realized that this stuff had been in the cracks of my kids’ bodies. I threw up a little in my mouth, then made a mental note to throw the strainers away as soon as I was done.

After another 40 minutes, the tub was pretty much empty. And my garbage can was full.

This was in my tub. Eeew.

Oh sure, it just magically dissolves.

And that’s a big can, it’s not your average little bathroom mini-can (not in this house). I knew darn well if I tried to pick up the bag the thing would explode all over the floor, so I grabbed the can to haul it down to the trashcan outside. And I pulled a muscle in my back. Wet Squishy Baff is heavy.

And I was running late for preparing the boys’ pre-game snack.

So, in short, that’s why nothing ever gets done in my house. I suppose I jinxed myself by even thinking for a moment that something could possibly get done. And why I never have time to do anything, and why I’m always busy, and giving all my friends lame excuses for never being able to go out and have fun or get anything accomplished.

Friends, don’t be like me. Don’t be the cool fun mom who lets anything happen in her house, mess be damned. Don’t let your kids play with chemicals because you think it will be a cool educational experience. Just don’t do it.

And oh yeah. I have to run to the kitchen store to buy some new strainers.